Embrace Silence

I’m well known in my community for giving a quiet massage. I’ve been told by customers this is a quality they really enjoy about me and is sometimes a reason they booked a massage with me or remained my customer. It comes easily to me because I am mostly an introverted person. In this blog post, I hope to help you with that if you’re struggling with a quiet massage.

These days we talk more about what it means to be an introvert which is refreshing as I’ve gone through my childhood and early adulthood often feeling misunderstood.

We often get mistaken for being “snobby” or “aloof” or disinterested in other people’s lives. Nothing could be further from the truth for most of the introverts I know, yet we still sometimes have trouble with some social interactions.

When I do a medical, SI or sports massage session, I might be asking more questions about their body during a session. After all we are doing therapeutics in those sessions. But classic massage is a relaxation art and my goal for the patient is rest, and restoration.

When I taught courses at a local massage school to new therapists they would often ask: “How can you stand not talking to someone you are touching?” Or “How can I POSSIBLY be expected to NOT talk for an entire hour!?”

For someone who often struggles with small talk, answering that question was a little difficult, especially when this is a personality difference. They were being asked to step out of what is normal to them, and I had to find a way to help them with customers who don’t want to chat during a massage.

My simple answer is: Embrace Silence. This is an exercise just like when we exercise a weak muscle or try to implement a new habit. You won’t do it perfectly, so think of it as an exercise.

I think it’s also important to know that there are no rules to Embracing Silence, and not all customers want the same thing.

We may have some who like a little talk; some who want to “unload” knowing someone is simply listening; some who find others fascinating and want to pepper you with a lot of questions.

We get into a slippery slope of “talk therapy” if we engage in the things people unload. It’s natural to be curious and want to show that we care. No one wants to seem rude or uncaring by not responding when someone tells us something personal or difficult. Responding with advice or thoughts on courses of action walks us out of our scope of practice though and can set us up for problems. It’s appropriate to have resources available to customers if talk therapy is something that will help. I usually have a list or some cards for Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists.

If we answer a bunch of questions during a massage treatment, we can slide into the friend zone or simply give away too much information about ourselves even though the customer might just be curious and well meaning.

Students wanted more out of me…What do you mean “embrace silence?” Ok…here are some skills to practice and my more through answer:

1)      Ask them! At your intake interview, no matter if you are in a high-volume spa or if you run your own boutique business, get in the habit of asking the customer how they would like you to interact with them during the massage. Example: “I give a quiet relaxation massage, unless a little chat helps you to unwind. Likely, I’ll respond to you and then let you rest, but I’ll ask you a few times about my pressure to make sure it’s right for you.”

This lets the customer know your expectation is that they will relax and gives them permission to be silent without feeling awkward. It helps people who have never had a massage before know that they are not being rude by not talking to you and asking you about yourself. It also encourages people who have a hard time relaxing to try to settle themselves. Participating in a little bit of chat gives them enough to know you are a safe person and its ok to let go of their tension.

2)      Let the conversation go to sleep. If people ask you questions that you enjoy answering try to be mindful of that. If you feel a little thrill of “Oooo…I get to have a fun conversation about me!” That’s your cue to give a simple planned answer and redirect the conversation back to the patient where the conversation can lull and go to sleep. Letting the conversation go to sleep so to speak can feel unnatural at first if you love to meet new people. Remember this experience is not about that, its about the customer’s experience.

Example:

Customer who indicated they like a little chat:

Customer: So, how did you get into massage therapy? You seem really good at it, I love this place!

The customer has just opened the door for you to not only talk about something you really like to talk about but also complimented your place of business. You might be tempted to tell your story and grab the opportunity to gain a loyal customer and talk more about your services. That could occupy the whole hour!

Therapist: I got into the business because always loved getting massages, and I wanted to help people. Thank you! I’m so glad you are having a great experience here. What kind of massage therapy do you like best?

You just gave a polite simple answer, thanked them for being a customer, and redirected the conversation to what they want to experience.

For someone who wants a little chatting, constantly redirecting the conversation back to their massage will take practice, especially if you try this tactic with someone you’ve been massaging for years!

3)      Place your focus under your hands. If you place your mind under your hands and connect with your breathing, your attention will be hyper-focused on the muscle, bone, blood vessels, lymph tissue, organs, nerve tissue, trigger points, adhesions, energy…Oh my so much to do in this body…no time for talkie talkie!

In conclusion: Embracing Silence does not mean we have to tell patients they can’t talk, or you don’t talk to them at all. It means you are placing the customer and the art of massage at the center of your focus for the duration of their treatment.